Seifer
by Wind Maester
Summary: Lost... and found...


**~~Seifer~~**

What am I?

I seem to have problems defining that. I was eighteen. I am still now, but I feel older than that. A prominent cadet at Balamb Garden turned to the hands of an evil sorceress, and then going through Time Compression. I was a spoilt runt, where I thought I was superior, where I thought I had everything. But I was so easily goaded by the evils. My greed for power and my self-centredness brought me to the side of a sorceress I barely knew. By bowing down to them, I had actually surrendered my freedom, but I foolishly thought otherwise. In my pursuit of strengths and supremacy, I landed myself in near eternal hell. 

Callously, I surrendered all my childhood friends to the malevolent, scheming devil, and put them in grave danger. Time Compression. And so, because of my mistake, my friends fought feverishly for their existence, and mine, and the whole world's. I had thought I would be looked upon by the devil as her right hand man, her knight. Instead, I was cast aside and left alone to decay. To her, I was of no value, remnants of yesterday's trash. But I deserved no sympathy, for I brought it on myself.

Now at eighteen, coming nineteen, I realised my mistakes, as I dragged my feet along the pebbled roads of Balamb. Here, at least the town is small enough not to realise that a wanted man is lurking around. I hide my Hyperion under my grimy trench coat, hoping no one would find me.

Where had the times been? 

Life had never been fair to me. I remember myself as a boyish child, a small terror, but not fiendish. I teased my comrades mercilessly, as I knew naught in making friends. To me, it was better people remember me as an imp rather than nothing at all. I needed attention. I needed the care that people shower on their cherished ones. I needed love. I thought that people would respect me once I became sorceress' knight. I made a terrible blunder.

I remember Rinoa. She was the only one that truly cared for me then. She was there for me, at sixteen. I was a drunkard in my teens, wanting to drown my sorrows and my forlornness in a beer, and she was always there to see me through. She saw me not as a bully, but as her friend. I appreciated her care. For that, she remained special in my heart. 

Then, she was gone. I was seventeen, with no one to care for me, to worry about my measly existence. No one would have bothered, nor would they find it in their hearts to take note of me. I needed to show them I was alive. I took the selfish way out, only to be marked as their enemy.

The wooden Balamb pier creaked beneath my mud-stained combat boots, the seagulls frightened away by the sudden noise. Just as well, that I don't make dirty their snow-white feathers. Glancing up the blue sky once again, I found myself drifting from cloud to cloud, my future bleak. I wished I could turn back time, but I don't want to be the second Ultimecia. I never want to find myself lost again in my motives. I cannot fail everyone again. I must not want to fail everyone again.

Fuujin and Raijin.

Thank Hyne for the two precious presents I'd ever received. They stuck it through with me, through my exile from Garden, through sorceresses, and through Compression. They were the only people that kept me sane and alive, knowing that there were two other people who actually forgave me for my mistakes and gave me a second chance.

The waves were crashing on the sides of the cement wall of the pier, their gentle whooshing an even tempo in the afternoon sun. Surprisingly, there weren't many fishermen out at sea today, with the mild weather. Over the horizon, I saw two figures stepping down the steps to the lone pier, one of them lugging fishing equipment. 

Fuujin and Raijin.

They just knew when I needed them. I smiled and waved to them, bidding them to come over. 

"Yo buddy, betcha never thought we would come yah?" Raijin grinned, and even Fuujin gave a slight smile. My eyes moistened at our gathering, but I forced the tears back. Too unmanly, for an ex-Knight.

"Cut the crap, yah? Starting fishing! I'm gonna win you, Raijin!" I shouted, running towards the equipment, just like the times we went fishing as boys. And girls too, but Fuujin was too tough to be seen as a girl. She didn't want us to look down on her, and we understood, with her swift and powerful kick in the shin. It was back to the times where the three of us sneaked out of class to fish. Somehow, I needed to return back to where I began.

"Hey, ya got the better rod, Seifer!!" He was behaving like a small kid, pouting and jabbing his arms on his waist.

"I know!!" We were reliving the past again, as I settled myself at the edge of the pier, my hands busy with the bait and the hook. Why had I taken so long to realise my faults? I should have taken their advice earlier; we could have fished all day without worry or care. Would I have been happier that way? I don't know. Why am I only regretting now?

Frustrated at my immaturity back then, I threw the line out to the sea harshly, and reeled it slightly. It didn't matter anymore. I couldn't change fate. Slowly, I sat back onto the stilt, my slight temper rapidly cooling off. Glancing through the corner of my eye, I hoped the two didn't notice my sudden flare. Raijin didn't, too busy with his rod, but Fuujin sensed my outburst, and strolled towards me, settling down beside my rod.

"Seifer?" She had that questioning voice, yet she was patient with me, wanting me to let go of my worries, and settle it on her shoulders. That's Fuujin, the kind but steel-faced one. 

"It's nothing, Fuu, just the past. Nothing more." I patted her on the shoulder, and smiled at her, grateful of her concern. She seemed visibly more relieved to see me happy. To me, she was a sister I never knew. I could not burden her with my thoughts more. She has her own to take care.

"Garden?" It was an option she had pointed out; an option that I never would have thought of, wondering if I would want to return. I shook my head, my decision unknown. Part of me wanted to return back to my only haven; the other was too ashamed to even think of the idea.

"Fuu, I don't know if they'd accept me again. After, I once did harm them." It was a matter of fact that I want to erase from my memory. Never once did I thought I would come to this day, when I attacked Balamb. Never once did it occur to me that I was attacking my own home. Never had I been even a little reluctant. Never. I hung my head in shame. Could I repent?

She was silent for a moment. "Chance," she stated simply.

The water suddenly rippled hard, and a fish appeared on the surface, struggling to get off the line.

"Seifer, watch this baby!!" With ease, Raijin hauled the 10-kilogram fish up from the sea, excited like a puppy, and proudly presenting it to me. Fuujin ran over to have a better look, and I stood up, sighing to myself. Why did that guy have all the luck?

So happy-go-lucky, not at all bothered by anything, yet he could know how to defend a friend with his life. Not a thread of evil in his veins. He was in his little carefree world, and I envied him thoroughly. 

The monster-like fish struggled on the line, and Raijin settled it in a container half-filled with water before fixing the line for the second fish. He threw the line right out to sea, but reeled it back halfway.

I didn't have much luck. The better rod didn't bless me with superb fishing, as I saw Raijin's second fish. Or was it third? Annoyed, I gave not much of a regard of his newly acquired fish, and felt jealous inwardly that he was winning the game. I was losing, or was I just a loser in my life? Should I hold on to winning that much? What have I to gain when I win? Why should I be so insistent? Maybe I'd win more if I didn't purposely do it. I knew I couldn't bear to see myself lose. But what if fate wanted to teach me a lesson? 

"Seifer!! Look!!" Once again he hauled up the monstrosity and was laughing at the fish, very proud of his fishes he caught today. "It must be my lucky day!!" he commented, gazing into his box of fishes, and comparing with my empty one.

Dammit. He's winning. AND boosting about it. I stood up irritated with my rod in hand, and slammed it onto the floor, my patience for a relaxing fishing game thinning. Why didn't I win? Fuujin, the alert one amidst the rapidly building tension, nudged Raijin to stop his bragging. It didn't work. Nudge, nudge. Nope. Exasperated at his unresponsiveness, she gave him her famous kick-in-the-butt, sending him flying into the water.

Annoyed as I was earlier, I couldn't resist a loud shout of laughter, throwing my head back, my scar-filled face meeting the sky. There it was, the vast blue expanse above us watching our every move, our future, and guarding our past. 

Somehow, the sky had never been more mesmerising than before, or maybe it was because I didn't bother to look in the first place. Off the town, I saw Balamb Garden fly past, her majestic hoops revolving around the curved walls of the aircraft, floating on air. I never really thought about returning. But it was a choice, or so Fuu indicated to me.

Silently, the hovercraft turned towards the pier, her shadow cast upon the three of us. I felt home beneath, just to be so near it. I finally realised I was homesick. It was my refuge. I've been a vagrant so long. I needed my shelter. I needed Garden. 

I know what I am now. I'll be a proud Garden cadet. A SeeD.

~Fin~

Author's notes: I really liked the last clip of the game, but I almost never see fics like that... so I decided to try it out to my own... Hee... R & R!!

I edited some of the parts, added a few things. Thanks to KNW, PrincessMercury, Maxio, The Last Archangel for reviewing. I really needed some motivation to polish up my work. hehe. All thanks to KNW!!

P.S. Seifer's not mine!! So are Balamb Garden, Balamb Town, Fuujin and Raijin!! Don't sue me!!


End file.
